The Philippine Onion

Lies and half-truths shall set you free

Archive for November 10th, 2007

Reuse condoms, rebel priests urge Manila faithful

Posted by commiedyan on November 10, 2007

With black hoods over their heads, three priests objecting to official church policy and the refusal of Manila city hall to provide condoms and other contraceptives to public health clinics, urged parishioners to reuse condoms for more responsible parenthood. In a press conference in a chapel in Tondo, their spokesperson said, “In our experience condoms break or give you rashes only after the third use. Simply wash with soap and lukewarm water and hang to dry.”

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VP’s baseball caps key to smooth transition in RP leadership–leaked CIA report

Posted by commiedyan on November 10, 2007

by Old Spice

A Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) report, a copy of which was obtained by TPO recently, concluded that vice president Noli de Castro’s baseball caps are crucial for a smooth constitutional transition in the Philippines. TPO reached US ambassador Kristie Kenney for comment and to verify the provenance of the document, titled “Symbols and the impending political implosion in the Philippine: A policy brief.” She had us escorted out of the embassy grounds.

The report’s key finding is based on a survey with corresponding analysis conducted by the Social Weather Stations in late October and commissioned by the intelligence agency. The survey asked a nationwide random sample of 5,000 voting-age Filipinos a series of questions on GMA, de Castro and speaker Jose de Venecia. Only the vice president had a positive net trust rating, 35%, against GMA’s -80% and JdV’s -60%. Only in the Visayas did GMA get a positive net rating (5%). Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in analysis, foreign affairs, politics, special reports | Tagged: , , , , | 1 Comment »