The Philippine Onion

Lies and half-truths shall set you free

Crab mentality slows down Ayala biotech firm to a crawl

Posted by commiedyan on November 11, 2007

The losing faction in a long-standing rivalry has temporarily shut down the Ayala-owned and UP-based Bioengineering Applied Science and Technology (UPBeast) over the weekend.

TPO gathered from insider sources that Dr. Ally Ma. Sagun has defected to local anti-GMO activists led by Roberto Verzola, long the bane of the firm located at the Ayala science park in the Diliman campus.

Sagun’s main rival explained that her nemesis just could not accept the fact that the Ayalas had chosen to commercialize her discovery first. This involves the genetic modification of local crabs so that they would mature into crab relleno or stuffed crabs, an expensive delicacy because of the labor-intensity of preparation.

Dr. Alma Ngo explained that her rival’s idea, modifying crab genes so that they would crawl from under the Bohol sea to Manila, reach the kitchens in Forbes and Dasmarinas, set kitchen alarm clocks, turn stoves on, climb unto pots, close the pots and die a tortured death for the benefit of the creme dela creme, just wasn’t viable. Besides, Ngo said, the technology to provide marine life with a global positioning system was still in the experimental stages.

Dr. Porfirio M. Alino of the UP Marine Sciences Institute (MSI) nearby, said the conflict was unfortunate. Sources said Alma and Ally were graduate students he once mentored.

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