The Philippine Onion

Lies and half-truths shall set you free

Archive for November 13th, 2007

Forum: Sex, politics, and the Filipino (2)

Posted by commiedyan on November 13, 2007

In the second of our series Dolly continues the discussion with Dr. Aidan No and Margie Holmes. Our FAQ may also be read as fuck you, but that depends on you.

Dolly: In our last session we were about to go to sex and Philippine politics…

Margie: Yes..

Dr. No.: No. But go ahead.

Dolly: Is Abalos really an imp..tn bastard?

Read the rest of this entry »

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TPO responds to impecunious ex-PDI columnist

Posted by commiedyan on November 13, 2007

by Unsagani Ambut

Vic Mangosteen, who has been driven to peddling a nutritional extract from the fruit bearing his name, has trained his guns on TPO. Apparently, income from his fruity cock and bull (and his PR work) in a sub-standard daily and in his own web site, with its pathetic ads has not been enough. If you recall, he was unceremoniously driven out of PDI after he famously drenched the activist RC Constantino with a glass of water during a forum on charter change where RC exploded into one of his monologues in front of the House speaker.

Thereafter, allegations of unethical behavior, mainly his PR work, surfaced, leading to his forced resignation from the paper he worked so loyally with since its founding in 1985. We were also told that RC sought the help of Joel Rocamora, who flew with him to Siquijor to have a spell cast on Mangosteen.

We know what he wants from us, but we will not give in. In fact, we admit that the rumors he has been peddling about us are true. There is a nasty boardroom squabble in TPO, but this has not affected editorial operations at all, although the staff has had to suffer delayed salaries and a shortage of supplies. But we are driven more by the roots of our principles rather than the rotten fruit from the poisoned tree he lusts for.

Mangosteen is also right that our CEO and CFO are being investigated on their citizenship and on possible violations of the anti-dummy law. We in the editorial staff are cooperating and have told the SEC investigators that even if the two were to be eventually kicked out of the board and their executive responsibilities, we will survive. Read the rest of this entry »

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Farmer contemplating suicide gets depressed, stabs self, survives; wife, depressed, kills self

Posted by commiedyan on November 13, 2007

The body of Maria K. Aguanta, 58, stalwart in her community, lies in state at the Naga Memorial Homes in Naga, Cebu. She is survived by husband Juan. Neighbors said Juan had been morose over the death of their two pigs and that they saw the couple arguing at dawn Monday.

Posted in briefly noted, police blather | Tagged: , | Leave a Comment »