The Philippine Onion

Lies and half-truths shall set you free

Forum: Sex, politics, and the Filipino (2)

Posted by commiedyan on November 13, 2007

In the second of our series Dolly continues the discussion with Dr. Aidan No and Margie Holmes. Our FAQ may also be read as fuck you, but that depends on you.

Dolly: In our last session we were about to go to sex and Philippine politics…

Margie: Yes..

Dr. No.: No. But go ahead.

Dolly: Is Abalos really an bastard?

Margie: Well, his wife said so. But who knows? Many Filipino men and women can perform better with people not their spouses..

Dolly: Is Neri really you know….?

Dr. No.: No. I don’t know and I don’t care. We all have to learn that the private lives of our officials may have nothing to do with their performance.. I’ve heard reports that he’s been seen with a man not his wife. But I contradict myself…

Dolly: Speaking of performance, are Filipino men really….

Margie: As far as I know, they overrate themselves, but that is not exclusive to Filipinos, since most men overrate themselves. We have to have empirical rather than anecdotal basis.

Dr. No.: You mean surveys Margie?

Margie: Yes, but these have to be physically validated. Otherwise, Dean Jorge Bocobo would just dismiss them as ‘scientifically meaningless.’ The enumerators have to bring rulers and calipers.
Dolly: Yes. I see. And Neri…?

Margie: Well what about him?

Dr. No: No. I’ve heard rumors he’s gay, but so what? If he is or was or will be, he should just get out of the closet. The longer he stays in there, the longer he remains vulnerable to ruthless people who are of dubious sexuality who will attack him. Lomborg has done well since he outed himself. And so what if Mikey Arroyo is gay? He takes after his dad. So what? Their sexual preferences are their own business…

Margie: As far as I know, Filipino gays are just like you and me and even better. The gay friends I know are always looking for sensitive and nurturing relationships. But heterosexuals are always looking for contracts with ZTE.

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