The Philippine Onion

Lies and half-truths shall set you free

Archive for November 15th, 2007

Bunye disputes low approval, high hunger stats

Posted by commiedyan on November 15, 2007

by Belinda D. Libat

Respondents in a Pulse Asia survey showing the president had the highest disapproval rating among the country’s top five government officials were lying, Malacañang said in a press conference yesterday.

Asked how this conclusion was reached, press secretary Ignacio Bunye referred to an earlier survey by the Social Weather Stations (SWS) showing an increasing incidence of hunger among Filipino families. He explained that what the respondents were experiencing was simply hyperacidity caused by anxiety generated by the political noise from the continuing antics of the opposition.

Hyperacidity, he added, causes a gnawing sensation in the stomach and is commonly mistaken for hunger. He also accused the opposition and left-wing organizations of engaging in a conspiracy to refrain from staging street protests, thus depriving the populace of a much-needed outlet for their frustrations, aggravating the anxiety linked to hyperacidity. Read the rest of this entry »

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U.S. Intelligence: Iran Possesses Trillions Of Potentially Dangerous Atoms

Posted by commiedyan on November 15, 2007

Our Washington bureau warns a US-Iran war may be imminent with the finding reported below.

The Onion

November 12, 2007

WASHINGTON—Barely two months after U.N. inspectors in Iran failed to find evidence of an active nuclear weapons program, the Department of Homeland Security uncovered new information Monday proving the Middle Eastern nation has obtained literally trillions of atoms—the same particles sometimes used to make atomic bombs—for unknown purposes. Read the rest of this entry »

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