The Philippine Onion

Lies and half-truths shall set you free

Bunye disputes low approval, high hunger stats

Posted by commiedyan on November 15, 2007

by Belinda D. Libat

Respondents in a Pulse Asia survey showing the president had the highest disapproval rating among the country’s top five government officials were lying, Malacañang said in a press conference yesterday.

Asked how this conclusion was reached, press secretary Ignacio Bunye referred to an earlier survey by the Social Weather Stations (SWS) showing an increasing incidence of hunger among Filipino families. He explained that what the respondents were experiencing was simply hyperacidity caused by anxiety generated by the political noise from the continuing antics of the opposition.

Hyperacidity, he added, causes a gnawing sensation in the stomach and is commonly mistaken for hunger. He also accused the opposition and left-wing organizations of engaging in a conspiracy to refrain from staging street protests, thus depriving the populace of a much-needed outlet for their frustrations, aggravating the anxiety linked to hyperacidity.

Thus, if hunger is not rising, then the president’s unpopularity could not be rising as well, Bunye said. Asked why respondents would lie about their opinion of the president, he replied “To spite her, of course… they might hate her with a passion but not necessarily disapprove of her leadership.” He suggested that polling organizations should use polygraph machines to determine the validity of survey responses. (But Felipe Miranda of Pulse Asia told TPO that this would increase survey costs ten-fold).

The Pulse Asia survey, conducted October 20 to 31, and released Wednesday showed that Mrs. Arroyo got a disapproval rating of 39 percent while 30 percent of the 1200 respondents approved of her performance. Thirty one percent were undecided.

Once the cheaper medicines bill is enacted, Bunye said, Malacañang expected self-rated hunger statistics to decline markedly, as the bill would cut prices of popular antacids by at least 50%.

A straw poll I conducted among colleagues in the Malacañang press corps indicated that only one in ten believed the press secretary.

One Response to “Bunye disputes low approval, high hunger stats”

  1. […] we can reduce the digestive tracts, the source of the nasty gastric juices responsible for those embarrassing hunger statistics. There seems to be no scarcity of serendipity here, for we can also encourage the sale of testicles […]

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