The Philippine Onion

Lies and half-truths shall set you free

Math lessons for Vic Mangosteen;business lessons from Danding Co(co)juangco

Posted by commiedyan on December 1, 2007


by Henry C. Bollas

Here’s the fruity Vic Mangosteen:

“EDUARDO Cojuangco Jr. borrowed P374 million from Cocobank to acquire the EnriqueZobel block in San Miguel Corp. in December 1983. As of yesterday’s market close, that 20 percent block, which paved the way for Cojuangco to eventually control the region’s largest food, beverage and packaging complex, was already worth about P18.8 billion, representing a 50-fold return in 24 years. Stated another way, Cojuangco saw his original investment, even during his exile years following the Marcos ouster, double every year.”

“San Miguel was trading at P22 a share when the hush-hush sale was being negotiated; Zobel, for still unknown reasons, did not seek any premium from Cojuangco for his block, according to the book, Boss Danding, by Earl G. Parreno.”

Hey thanks for the lesson Mangosteen, but your math is wrong and perhaps your politics is even ‘wronger.’ If the investment of P374M had doubled each year for 24 years it would now be worth 6,275 trillion pesos, or closer to 1000 times the total gross domestic product of the Philippines. With that kind of money, he could not only buy Gloria, as he has probably already bought some outstanding opposition senators and the defense secretary, Gloria’s successor, you a million times over, and even all of northern Australia. Where did you learn your math, Mangosteen?

We of course want to be fair and would like to grant you the benefit of the doubt, but this doubt had long ago been doused with a glass of cold water. So what are you up to? After having been in the payroll of the Speaker, are you now shaking down Cocojuangco?

Now, we appreciate your calling our attention to the grave injustice in the Court of Appeals ruling on the case, for this gives all decent Filipinos a lesson on how business is done in the country, a lesson which should inform those just lusting to kick out the Gloria. For what can possibly come next? But please, can you go back to grade school and learn arithmetic and GMRC? If you do that there’s some fruit salad waiting for you.

If Filipinos haven’t learned anything from Edsa 1, it is time to ask: Are we losing our coconuts?

One Response to “Math lessons for Vic Mangosteen;business lessons from Danding Co(co)juangco”

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