The Philippine Onion

Lies and half-truths shall set you free

TPO’s IPO oversubscribed, underpriced—Morgan Stanley

Posted by commiedyan on December 7, 2007

The management has authorized us to release the following information:

  1. Some weeks back we disclosed there was a bloody squabble between our CEO and CFO, each with sizable blocs of equity. Finally the staff managed to kick out the two and we now own the controlling shares.
  2. We also disclosed that management was hiring Rhona Tan, estranged wife of Ron Nathan, cousin of the unlamented Dante Tan. At the time we said we had also wanted to engage the services of John Mangun, if not for the lack of credibility of bald or balding analysts as bored through our thick skulls by Mahar Mangahas of SwS. Since then, Mangun has bought reasonable doubt (at a reasonable price, we hope) as to the location of his hair. Subsequently, we followed the advise of our lawyers to hire Rhona Tan, Ron Nathan, and John Mangun for the offering.
  3. The Pasig River Development Bank, lead underwriter, has disclosed the following deatils of the issue:
  • Shares offered : 1,000,000,000;
  • Offer price: 0.001;
  • Offer period: December 10-24;
  • Listing date: December 31.

Here are the key points in the prospectus prepared by the consultants and PRDB, printed on two sheets of clean recycled toilet paper:

The revenues to be raised are meant to empower the staff and imnprove productivity:

  • For Old Spice, who pecks on his Underwood in his underwear, a used laptop and ukay-ukay briefs from Malaysia;
  • For Onionista, calculator to replace his 20-year-old slide rule;
  • For Ai-ai Sy Yu, laser surgery to restore night vision;
  • For Mon Tofu, a used machine gun, but only if Avelino Razon gives him a permit to cash and carry.

The rest of the proceeds is to be spent as follows:

  1. Bail and legal expenses for Willard Cheng, arrested three weeks ago for trespassing and bribery but later charged with terrorism. He’s been languishing in Karingal since then.
  2. Legal expenses for Old Spice and Onionista for libel and extortion cases;
  3. Payment of debt to neighborhood diner (carinderia) to the tune of P50,000;
  4. Capital expenses for electric fans, samovar. espresso maker, mosquito repellent, and rat poison.

Morgan Stanley, who conducted the international roadshow, said the stock has been rated buy and buy, with the audited price to earnings ratio less than half the market average.

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2 Responses to “TPO’s IPO oversubscribed, underpriced—Morgan Stanley”

  1. WillyJ said

    What’s with the pic here? Is TPO investing in nail polish?
    -Potential investor

  2. commiedyan said

    sorry potential investor, we we’re hacked.

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