The Philippine Onion

Lies and half-truths shall set you free

Archive for December 9th, 2007

Asian lady senator abducted, released in London

Posted by commiedyan on December 9, 2007

London (Reuters)—A prominent lady senator from Asia was reported missing at dawn here Saturday but surfaced dazed and half-naked in the lobby of the Britania Intercon in Grosvenor Square around noon today. Sources in the intelligence community said the senator had been under surveillance by agents of MI5 and MI6 and that she was actually arrested inside the British Museum where she suddenly burst into laughter before an exhibit of Egyptian artifacts, terrorizing other visitors. Only the timely and expert intervention of the curator prevented a stampede, according to our source who identified himself as JB. The British Official Secrets Act bars Reuters from publishing her name or nationality. Read the rest of this entry »

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Posted in breaking news, foreign affairs, people, politics | Tagged: , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Drunks have human rights too

Posted by commiedyan on December 9, 2007

Some self-proclaimed leaders of ‘civil’ society have recently appointed themselves guardians of the peace as well. This time they are not after pornography, nor litter bugs, nor gun-toting machos, nor geriatric rapists. They’re raising a hue and cry against drunks, specifically the right of drunks to homeward mobility.

Their concern seems valid at first glance. A man was recently convicted for the killing inside a jeepney of a another man who complained the drunk had been making unwanted advances on his wife. Well, we say good riddance to the killer. But now the guardians of the peace are pushing for a law which bars drunks from getting onto public transport to get home.

So what are drunks to do?

  1. Sleep upright inside one of Bayani Fernando’s pink abominations?
  2. Shack up for the night with a GRO? (some of our friends, like Taroogs, might say that would be an expansion of civil liberties, but we reserve comment).
  3. Walk to another bar and drink some more? (All drunks drink moderately, again and some more).

Well, how about simply driving home? While it is illegal in the Philippines to drive without a license, driving without a car is not, which goes to show just how wise our congressmen are. For as long as they have third party liability insurance, why not? And what possible damage can a drunk driving without a car inflict in a collision Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in analysis, congress, politics | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments »