The Philippine Onion

Lies and half-truths shall set you free

Asian lady senator abducted, released in London

Posted by commiedyan on December 9, 2007

London (Reuters)—A prominent lady senator from Asia was reported missing at dawn here Saturday but surfaced dazed and half-naked in the lobby of the Britania Intercon in Grosvenor Square around noon today. Sources in the intelligence community said the senator had been under surveillance by agents of MI5 and MI6 and that she was actually arrested inside the British Museum where she suddenly burst into laughter before an exhibit of Egyptian artifacts, terrorizing other visitors. Only the timely and expert intervention of the curator prevented a stampede, according to our source who identified himself as JB. The British Official Secrets Act bars Reuters from publishing her name or nationality.

We gathered from interviews with the senator’s countrymen working or studying in London that she was notorious for terrorizing her people with sudden fits of anger interspersed with uncontrollable bouts of loud annoying laughter.

In what could be a related development Reuters has learned that the medical journal The Lancet has postponed the publication of its latest issue because it recently discovered a new specimen afflicted with Twadd or two-way attention deficit disorder. The journal was set to publish case studies of Twadd-afflicted individuals and decided to include the latest specimen, said to exhibit more pronounced symptoms of the disease. Twadd affects only one in 500 million individuals, scientists said.

The Asian senator was in the delegation of her president who visited her majesty, who refused to have tea with the party.

The affliction might explain why the senator obstructed the passage of landmark legislation in her country recently, her colleagues explained.

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2 Responses to “Asian lady senator abducted, released in London”

  1. Hahahahah — so funny!

    Kidding aside, a lady senator had a similar problem when she was in Brussels last — tuliro.

    In the morning of the second day of their visit, said lady legislator was looking and acting tulala (kind of with a permanent smile on her face) at the Hilton hotel lobby waiting for Mistress Gloria to descend from her Hilton suite en route to see Belgian PM.

    Then suddlnly, she got jittery and panicky, and started ordering the PSG guys around (including Belgian govt appointed security to Gloria) to look for her purse.

    The idea was that she had that instant left it loafing on one of the sofas at the lobby but couldn’t find it anymore (she was actually talking to my baby girl and Toting Bunye when she became fidgety and realized she didn’t have her purse — hahaha!)

    Everyone went to work looking for the blasted purse.

    One PSG guy gently and revernetly asked, “Mam, baka po naiwanan ninyo sa kuwarto?”

    “No, no, no! I came down with it (to lobby.),” replied the brendaesque lady legislator.

    So, sofa cushions were uninstalled, sofa bottoms were searched, etc by the efficient but discreet security guys. But no purse.

    Finally one of the PSGs rushed outside and in a flash, was back with the missing blasted purse — naiwanan ni Mrs Tulala sa coche the night before — hahahah.

    (Kawawa naman…!)

    I can think of only two. So which one?–-Onionista

  2. The older one – heh!

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