Drunks have human rights too

Some self-proclaimed leaders of ‘civil’ society have recently appointed themselves guardians of the peace as well. This time they are not after pornography, nor litter bugs, nor gun-toting machos, nor geriatric rapists. They’re raising a hue and cry against drunks, specifically the right of drunks to homeward mobility.

Their concern seems valid at first glance. A man was recently convicted for the killing inside a jeepney of a another man who complained the drunk had been making unwanted advances on his wife. Well, we say good riddance to the killer. But now the guardians of the peace are pushing for a law which bars drunks from getting onto public transport to get home.

So what are drunks to do?

1. Sleep upright inside one of Bayani Fernando’s pink abominations?
2. Shack up for the night with a GRO? (some of our friends, like Taroogs, might say that would be an expansion of civil liberties, but we reserve comment).
3. Walk to another bar and drink some more? (All drunks drink moderately, again and some more).

Well, how about simply driving home? While it is illegal in the Philippines to drive without a license, driving without a car is not, which goes to show just how wise our congressmen are. For as long as they have third party liability insurance, why not? And what possible damage can a drunk driving without a car inflict in a collision with a phantom bus being driven by another drunk?

What the aspiring guardians of the peace forget are the political implications of further narrowing the democratic space of drunks. Liquor is already banned 24 hours before and 24 hours after the conduct of an election. May not this be some form of double jeopardy? One drinks before an election in frustration over the choices, and afterwards for having made a choice anyway. The relevant violation in the penal code, after all, is thinking without a brain.

( Marijuana is already banned. What will the guardians of the peace think of next? Ban clean air, which to dopeheads is the next best thing).

Perhaps it’s time for drunks to form their own party-list party. In every facet of their miserable existence, they are more marginalized than they can ever imagine, drunk or sober. So on the eve of human rights day, we urge drunks everywhere and nowhere. Drunks of the world unite! You have nothing to lose but your hangover! (But please brothers and sisters, take care of your livers).