The Philippine Onion

Lies and half-truths shall set you free

Archive for December 14th, 2007

Ignore this at your own loss

Posted by commiedyan on December 14, 2007

Dear reader,

I have good news for you. Ignore this letter at your own loss, because this isn’t one of the scams the Central Bank has recently warned against as you will see if you read on.

First of all, while I promise you millions, how quickly you get the money is entirely up to you and the effort you put in the endeavor; this isn’t a scheme to turn iron into gold Read the rest of this entry »

Advertisements

Posted in business, economics, politics | Tagged: , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Statistics office drafts new guidelines on opinion surveys

Posted by commiedyan on December 14, 2007

On direct orders of Gloria Macapagal Arroyo, who has been unjustly accused of being the most corrupt president in Philippine history, the National Statistics Office has issued guidelines on the conduct of opinion surveys so these would no longer be based on ungrounded perceptions but on verifiable facts.

Our source at the NSO refused to provide us a copy of the draft but she explained the thrust of the document to us. In effect, survey organizations like Pulse Asia and Social Weather Stations would have to design the questionnaires to aid respondents in forming facts-based opinions. For example, in the matter of presidential corruption, the following yes or no questions could be suggested:

  1. Has the president ever given you a loot bag containing P500,000? P200,000? P50,000?
  2. Has an official close to the president offered you US $10M to withdraw from a government project? Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in breaking news, Malacañang, politics | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »