The Philippine Onion

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December 24 to January 2 official Philippine holidays—Palace

Posted by commiedyan on December 16, 2007

Malacañang ‘open house’ on Christmas Day

December 24 to January 2 next year are official special holidays, Malacañang loudmouth Ignacio Bunye, who recently cheated death in Kuwait, announced yesterday. Assuaging concerns on lost productivity however, the national government has also decided to make at least five regular holidays next year, probably including Lenten holy days, regular work days.

“We are not kowtowing to the Catholic Church, this is simply part of the president’s policy on holiday economics,” Bunye said. Holiday economics is premised on the belief that the tourism benefits of lumping weekends and holidays into contiguous periods, far outweigh the costs of adjustment in the production sectors. Three fourths of economists we surveyed said the belief is unfounded, baseless, and purely a matter of the president’s perception.

Tuesday, December 25, will also be ‘open house day’ in Malacañang and Mrs. Gloria Macapagal Arroyo will be on hand to receive ordinary citizens and to listen to their grievances and other concerns, including family/relationship problems, health including schizophrenia and impotence, and most of all corruption in government.

Chief of staff Eduardo Ermita revealed that visitors will each receive an envelop containing an undetermined amount in cash; a food basket with cans of Century tuna, ham, chestnuts, and century eggs; and 500 kilowatt-hours of free electricity from Monte Oro of Enrique Razon, prospective operator of the national transmission system.

The free electricity will be made available via an electric chair, and the recipients will be allowed to choose the most comfortable voltage in the range 32-69 thousand volts. The voltage range, according to Ermita, has been determined to cause an electric shock that is just enough to induce PSALM-singing and truth-telling in the respondents in time for the next survey on presidential corruption.

Landless farmers will receive a special package: a bag of fertilizer, a sack of humus soil, two earthen pots, and vegetable seeds from Prospero Pichay. Visitors from outside Luzon will be reimbursed for transportation expenses, but only for economy class passage, preferably on paper boats.

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One Response to “December 24 to January 2 official Philippine holidays—Palace”

  1. Merry Christmas and a happy new year! 😛

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