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Archive for the ‘religion’ Category

Cebollas sin lagrimas: gold tumbles on ‘medalla de oro’ award to Arroyo

Posted by commiedyan on December 6, 2007

by Henry C. Bollas

London (via ZTE broadband)–World commodity markets were inundated early today with sell orders for spot and futures gold as the news sunk in of alleged Philippine president Gloria Macapagal Arroyo getting the ‘medalla de oro‘ award Tuesday from the Universidad de Alcala in Madrid. The highest civilian award was conferred allegedly for Arroyo’s “defense of human rights, particularly her role in abolishing the death penalty in the Philippines.”

Que calamidad! Arroyo de lagrimas! (Flood of tears!)” a stock trader at the Bovespa in Madrid said. At the Chicago Mercantile Board, an analyst said “gold has lost half its luster forever.” She revealed hedge funds were dumping gold in favor of oil and onions. Oil prices had begun to slide despite the decision of the Organization of Petroleum Exporting Countries to maintain current production levels, probably because of a recent Japanese invention curtailing demand. Oil bets are now off, the lady said. Read the rest of this entry »

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Posted in breaking news, business, economics, foreign affairs, politics, religion | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments »

Mar Roxas’s prelude to a kiss

Posted by commiedyan on November 27, 2007

Yes, under the most liberal interpretation of party, the one that crowned Mar Roxas in Club Filipino yesterday certainly was, according to ANC’s Ricky Carandang. But what kiss are we talking about here? From his girlfriend who can’t decide whether Mar is the man of the hour, a celebrity of the day, or the flavor of the month? A kiss of death?

The first concrete indication of Mar Roxas’s presidential dream was his kowtowing to the local multinational cement lobby when he was still trade and industry secretary. Little did he know at the time that the entry of cheaper cement imports not only rejuvenated the local construction industry but also improved air quality in Metro Manila. How so? Because at that time the 18 cement factories within the Metro Manila air shed were operating at just around 50% of capacity, and studies by the Philippine Institute of Development Studies had clearly indicated a local cartel.

During the recent senate hearing on oil prices, Senator Roxas was again dancing to a populist tune, knowing fully well his questions were really just rhetorical. While we support his effort in enacting a good anti-trust law, we wonder whether he will really proceed with that and fight the cement cartel, among others, concretely.

Have a good one, Mar. And see you in 2010.

P.S.

Here’s a good one from SunStar Iloilo.

Posted in briefly noted, economics, religion, Roxas watch | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

A new improved formula for annulment cases

Posted by commiedyan on November 27, 2007

Rep. Pablo John Garcia has taken the cudgels for beleaguered Judge Villarin of Toledo City, Cebu. The urgent task is to limit the discretion of the judicial and executive branches in deciding annulment cases and shield judges from unfounded charges of giving ‘quickie’ annulments. Bear with us as we discuss the neophyte congressman’s proposal:

First the period within which such cases are to be resolved have to yield to a mathematical formula. Let’s call this period At on the left hand side of the equation. On the right hand side are the so-called independent variables, namely:

  1. Cp=the period of courtship. The longer the courtship, living in sin, number of pre-marital quickies, the greater the chances of a happy marriage. But on the other hand, if the couple has spent so much time together and give up hope, they should know better, right? Ditto with the length of the marriage. In sum the effects of this variable cancel out.
  2. AAC =the average age of the children. The greater is this number the more quickly the courts should decide. The courts can also get depositions from the children.
  3. Cv=the value of the conjugal property. The richer is the marital coffers, the more quickly the courts should decide, because there is a lower probability of acrimonious litigation, except perhaps for the extremely greedy rich.

So we just have three independent variables, but the first two are of ambivalent sign. So why can’t we let the children decide through a vote if they are of voting age. If the average age is less than 18, then the decision period should be (18-AAC). That seems fair, doesn’t it?

Finally, for the exceptions to the rule:

  1. Suicide survivors, either spouse, should be granted immediate annulment;
  2. Ditto for victims of domestic abuse and violence;
  3. Ditto for childless couples who just want to be just friends again.

So here’s the equation:

At= /AAC)

Isn’t that simple enough? The only problem left is finding the value of ß, which can be done through well-established statistical methods. Now suppose ß=18, and the average age of the children is 18. Then the courts should decide the case within a year. Beautiful isn’t it? But you can do your own simulations if you wish.

For sure, the Catholic Church will object. But of late, the good holy fathers have begun to soften their position.

We would welcome your comments on this proposition. Really.

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Fates of Cebu judge, Filipino nation, hang on conundrum: how long is a ‘quickie’?

Posted by commiedyan on November 24, 2007

Most of us know what a split second is: the time lapse from the moment the traffic light turns green and when the asshole behind you honks the horn. But how long is a ‘quickie?’ The answer is crucial not only to a suspended Toledo city judge but to the country’s economic development as well.

Judge Gaudioso Villarin has been suspended by the supreme court for ‘gross ignorance of the law.’ According to a report in the Cebu Daily News, Supreme Court probe team confirms quickie annulments:

“The SC audit team confirmed that Villarin, who is due for retirement in May next year, was approving the marriage annulments with astonishing speed and taking shortcuts that violated court procedures. An annulment case that would normally take one year was approved in 34 days.”

So 34 days is a quickie? Judge Villarin recently read A Brief History of Time to find the answer, but to his disappointment, Stephen Hawking had evaded the issue. He didn’t know that when the physicist wrote the bestseller, his carnal pleasures were completely in the mind.

The question is relevant to hotblooded high school teens who ask: Is the 15-minute afternoon recess long enough? And does the real thing or true love require skipping algebra and history classes as well? Girls can fake an Ω but can boys fake an ε? Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in analysis, congress, religion | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments »

Cebu nativity streamer not blasphemous—Pope Benedict XVI

Posted by commiedyan on November 24, 2007

Pope Benedict XVI has ruled out blasphemy in the piece of pop art on the nativity which caused a stir in Cebu, Vatican state secretary Tarcisio Bertone said in a press release we received yesterday.

Cardinal Bertone has also recently announced that Pope Benedict XVI  is due to issue the second encyclical of his papacy, on the theme of “Christian hope.”

The tarp art allegedly has the faces of President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo as Virgin Mary and former president Joseph Estrada as Joseph. “Don’t jump to conclusions,” the Pope reportedly wrote to Ricardo Cardinal Vidal, whom he fondly calls Brother Ricky, the press statement said. “Our interpretations are not infallible, for all we know the two could be attending a baptism.”

“But in the event, it is counterproductive to have the artist excommunicated,” the Pope was quoted further in the statement. It added that in the case of the Angono artists and the Philippine National Press Club (PNPc), the holy father stood squarely on the side of artistic freedom. More excerpts:

“We should leave it up to Him upstairs, because if he wants to he can always direct lightning at the ‘offensive’ cinema, which seems to be showing pornography…but we should take it as a sign that Cebu is being spared the ravages of typhoon Mina.”

“Finally brothers Ricky and Achilles (Fr. Achilles Dakay, ‘spokesperson’ of the Cebu Archdiocese–editors) your flock has much more important problems. Look at the bigger picture, the damage those two characters are continuing to inflict on the Filipino nation.”

In a phone interview last night, Cardinal Bertone revealed other details on how the Pope reached his position, indicating how closely the holy father has been monitoring developments in the Philippines, including the travails of Pampanga governor Ed Panlilio.

The good cardinal said that at one dinner, the Pope nearly fell off his seat laughing at his own joke on what the two characters could be saying to each other:

“I can’t be the father of this child, I was under house arrest for six years.”

“You idiot, you don’t know what immaculate conception means!”

Cardinal Bertone also cited events in scripture that were relevant to the decision, but these we could not independently verify.

Posted in religion | Tagged: , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Repent and prepare…

Posted by commiedyan on November 21, 2007

Onionista

If the rains don’t stop, I might start heeding the strange voices I’ve been hearing. The neighborhood’s getting flooded, at a time when Manila Water and its contractors are digging up the roads to expand the sewer system.

I don’t understand the way they work. They dig, they leave, and come back weeks later. Reminds me of a labor song which goes “Drill ye tarriers drill…” “Slow men at work,” the signs say.

Anyway, there’s another storm on the horizon. That is to say, it will soon be in the PAR or Philippine Area of Responsibility, as Gretchen Fullido and Caroline Howard would say. I wonder how our weathermen thought that up. Can they really take full responsibility and thus be open to liability suits? (Rep. Tomoy, what say you?)

I’ve been hearing these voices telling me to repent and prepare. Gather paper and wood and your sex toys for soon comeuppance will be upon you. “Onionista, pick a sample each of all species, of all permutations of political persuasion and gender, and guide them into the boat you will build.” “Leftists, fore, portside; Rightists, starboard, aft; gays and lesbians, to the engine room!””The rest, gangplank!”

As you might already know, I’m skeptical of strange voices, especially because they come when I’m cleaning my ears with Johnson’s cotton buds after my monthly bath. But I’m beginning to change my mind. Just the other day, I was listening to radio and Tina Monson Palma was discussing the subject with her authoritative guests. Read the rest of this entry »

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Catholic hierarchy rethinks stand on annulment, divorce

Posted by commiedyan on November 17, 2007

The Catholic Bishops Conference of the Philippines (CBCP) is set to ask the Vatican to change the rules on annulment and to consider allowing divorce in the Philippines, the only Catholic country where it is still banned.

The CBCP, in its latest conclave had reviewed the rising cases of frustrated suicides and parricides involving spouses trying to escape the hell of their marriages.

In their letter to the Vatican, the Philippine bishops recommended that suicide and parricide survivors should be granted automatic permission for annulment. It also said the Holy See should review its description of ‘psychological incapacity’ defined by the Philippine Supreme Court, seen by many as a covert branch of the Church, as inability to qualify for heaven.

The CBCP also cited rising cases of infidelity, as reported by Manuel Buencamino, nos corresponsal en Roma.

Posted in breaking news, briefly noted, religion | Tagged: , , , , , | 12 Comments »

Forum: Sex, politics, and the Filipino

Posted by commiedyan on November 11, 2007

In this roundtable discussion, frequently asked questions (FAQs-in this case no one would fault you for pronouncing it fuck you) about Filipino sexuality, PTO commissioned Dolly Carvajal to discuss with Margie Holmes and Dr. Aidan No persistent myths about sexuality in the Philippines. The discussion was held in our backyard during lunch break over the weekend.

Dolly: Let me dispense with the easy questions first. Is masturbation immoral? Will you grow hair at the back of your hands? Will you go to hell?

Dr. No: No. Those beliefs were first popularized by Rep. Teddyboy Locsin in the nineties. He has long since clarified that he was only joking and that he was taunted by his granddad. Hell, no. Have you seen his hands?
Dolly: But the Vatican…

Dr. No: No. Just interview the laundrywomen in the Vatican…

Margie: It depends on your perception of hell.

Dr. No: No, Margie, think about this. If young boys and girls thought they’d go to hell by overdoing it, they’d overdo it even more, don’t you think?

Margie: I guess you’re right. Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in analysis, politics, religion, science, special reports | Tagged: , , , | 1 Comment »

Reuse condoms, rebel priests urge Manila faithful

Posted by commiedyan on November 10, 2007

With black hoods over their heads, three priests objecting to official church policy and the refusal of Manila city hall to provide condoms and other contraceptives to public health clinics, urged parishioners to reuse condoms for more responsible parenthood. In a press conference in a chapel in Tondo, their spokesperson said, “In our experience condoms break or give you rashes only after the third use. Simply wash with soap and lukewarm water and hang to dry.”

Posted in briefly noted, religion | Tagged: , | 1 Comment »