The Philippine Onion

Lies and half-truths shall set you free

Archive for the ‘Roxas watch’ Category

Math lessons for Vic Mangosteen;business lessons from Danding Co(co)juangco

Posted by commiedyan on December 1, 2007

eduardo-cojuangco-jr.jpg

by Henry C. Bollas

Here’s the fruity Vic Mangosteen:

“EDUARDO Cojuangco Jr. borrowed P374 million from Cocobank to acquire the EnriqueZobel block in San Miguel Corp. in December 1983. As of yesterday’s market close, that 20 percent block, which paved the way for Cojuangco to eventually control the region’s largest food, beverage and packaging complex, was already worth about P18.8 billion, representing a 50-fold return in 24 years. Stated another way, Cojuangco saw his original investment, even during his exile years following the Marcos ouster, double every year.”

“San Miguel was trading at P22 a share when the hush-hush sale was being negotiated; Zobel, for still unknown reasons, did not seek any premium from Cojuangco for his block, according to the book, Boss Danding, by Earl G. Parreno.”

Hey thanks for the lesson Mangosteen, but your math is wrong and perhaps your politics is even Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in business, economics, people, politics, Roxas watch | Tagged: , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

The strange humor of Queena Lee

Posted by commiedyan on December 1, 2007

by Old Spice
“Did you hear the joke about the man who was proud when he completed a jigsaw within 30 minutes? After all, it said ‘five to six years’ on the box.”
Self-made man: Where are you from? Harvard graduate: I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions. Self-made man: Okay, where are you from, jackass (ass supplied by TPO editors)—?”

We should really refrain from making fun of other people’s jokes (see note below), or of people telling jokes, but those in Queena Lee Chua’s Inquirer column Saturday and the fact she was telling them is really funny. That’s because she wasn’t really joking. In fact, she was discussing the scientific basis of humor. And we find that funny. But you really should read it for yourself.

“Why do these jokes make us laugh (or at least smile)? In his bestselling book “Quirkology,” multiawarded British behavioral psychologist Richard Wiseman says that, many jokes have one thing in common—they make us feel superior. This arises because the person in the joke (like the man with the jigsaw) or a pompous figure (like the Harvard graduate) looks foolish, which by the way, is one reason politicians are often the butt of jokes.”

Queena Lee, no relation to Annabel Lee nor Christopher Lee, is married Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in education, people, politics, Roxas watch | Tagged: , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Oh yeah baby, what swell (political) parties we have

Posted by commiedyan on November 28, 2007

by Old Spice

The recent return from the dead of Philippine political parties has driven me to a fit of nostalgia, back to my Cole Porter songbook, specifically ‘What a swell party this is.” But sadly, nostalgia just isn’t what it used to be, according to the girlfriend and pen pal of Jean Paul Sartre, in her memoirs.

Mar Roxas has virtually announced his presidential bid in Pia Hontiveros’s Strictly Nonsensical, and Manny Villar has put his money where his future is: the Nacionalista Party. Villar’s claim to fame is his railroading of the Erap impeachment bid way back in 2000, and his tapping into the excess demand of the lower middle class for pigeon holes with Camella and Palmera Homes.

Roxas and Villar are courting the Erap vote. In the politics of addition, Roxas is even open to welcoming back into the fold the constipated Al Atienza, who refused to distribute condoms to his constituents in Manila; and worse, the Defensors, including the prodigal son who was farted out into existence by his dad. Watch out for the supporters of Villar, including the thugs, the brothers Remulla.

We’ve heard that the Lakas and Kampi are soon to merge as SQL (status quo league) but they are in limbo at the moment.

Following closely behind the LP, NP, and SQL is the Kilusang Bagong Lipunan with exactly two and a half members: the charming and compulsively bootlicking Imelda Marcos, and the spitting images of her asses, Oliver Lozano and Ely Pamatong, but I can’t tell you which of the latter is half-cocked. If Imelda manages to seduce Rick Abcede of the PCGG, the KBL will have two and three fourths.
Now for a bit of sexy news: the mother of Roxas asks her son, “Anong K mo if you don’t dump Korina?” She would rather have either Pinky Webb or Ara Mina.

Posted in analysis, breaking news, entertainment, politics, Roxas watch | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

Mar Roxas’s prelude to a kiss

Posted by commiedyan on November 27, 2007

Yes, under the most liberal interpretation of party, the one that crowned Mar Roxas in Club Filipino yesterday certainly was, according to ANC’s Ricky Carandang. But what kiss are we talking about here? From his girlfriend who can’t decide whether Mar is the man of the hour, a celebrity of the day, or the flavor of the month? A kiss of death?

The first concrete indication of Mar Roxas’s presidential dream was his kowtowing to the local multinational cement lobby when he was still trade and industry secretary. Little did he know at the time that the entry of cheaper cement imports not only rejuvenated the local construction industry but also improved air quality in Metro Manila. How so? Because at that time the 18 cement factories within the Metro Manila air shed were operating at just around 50% of capacity, and studies by the Philippine Institute of Development Studies had clearly indicated a local cartel.

During the recent senate hearing on oil prices, Senator Roxas was again dancing to a populist tune, knowing fully well his questions were really just rhetorical. While we support his effort in enacting a good anti-trust law, we wonder whether he will really proceed with that and fight the cement cartel, among others, concretely.

Have a good one, Mar. And see you in 2010.

P.S.

Here’s a good one from SunStar Iloilo.

Posted in briefly noted, economics, religion, Roxas watch | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »