The Philippine Onion

Lies and half-truths shall set you free

Posts Tagged ‘christmas’

Gloria Arroyo dances dirty with sexy ZTE bombshells

Posted by commiedyan on December 17, 2007

Our special gift to loyal readers:

What a dull Christmas this has been, and so many issues will remain unresolved as the year ends. For one, the office of Senator Kiko Pangilinan has told TPO there will be no more hearings on the ZTE-NBN deal this year. So our readers won’t forget the villains in this drama, we’ve produced this special Christmas present(ation). The joke’s on us (double meaning intended). Please click on the photos to view characters and start the show, best viewed with broadband (parental guidance is advised). Downloading might be quirky, but it’s well worth the wait, so have patience and get yourself beer or tea. We suggest Read the rest of this entry »

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Posted in Malacañang, politics | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

December 24 to January 2 official Philippine holidays—Palace

Posted by commiedyan on December 16, 2007

Malacañang ‘open house’ on Christmas Day

December 24 to January 2 next year are official special holidays, Malacañang loudmouth Ignacio Bunye, who recently cheated death in Kuwait, announced yesterday. Assuaging concerns on lost productivity however, the national government has also decided to make at least five regular holidays next year, probably including Lenten holy days, regular work days.

“We are not kowtowing to the Catholic Church, this is simply part of the president’s policy on holiday economics,” Bunye said. Holiday economics is premised on the belief that the tourism benefits of lumping weekends and holidays into contiguous periods, far outweigh the costs of adjustment in the production sectors. Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in breaking news, economics, Malacañang, politics | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Oh shit, that’s why it’s raining manure…

Posted by commiedyan on December 15, 2007

Over the past two decades, the use of fireworks to celebrate holidays has been on the downtrend, along with the associated injuries and deaths. We suppose this is a result mainly of either economic hardship or a simple change in preferences among merrymakers. Fireworks have also been getting more sophisticated with the benefit of ‘rocket science’ and displays are generally more awesome. But now this explosive scandal! ’Cracker makers deny using manure – INQUIRER.net:

“Hurting from claims that horse manure is being used in producing firecrackers, a leader of the pyrotechnic industry called the Department of Health “ignorant” about the manufacture of firecrackers and pyrotechnics.” So who’s telling the truth, the health officials or the industry spokesperson? So we went to investigate. Oh shit, the truth is even ‘far far worser.’

Posted in business, Malacañang, Nature | Tagged: , , , , | 2 Comments »

On human rights, Arroyo’s on a roll with Christmas parole

Posted by commiedyan on December 6, 2007

by Inodoro Nila

Basking in the afterglow of his boss’s human rights award in Madrid, justice secretary Raul Gonzales yesterday said the parole of former lawmaker Romeo Jalosjos on December 16 or 17 was still possible.

Christmas truly is in the air, despite the whining and bitching of Old Spice and Onionista who wax melancholic over the holiday hues and carols of Decembers past. God damned atheist hippie drunkards!

“After we’ve pardoned plunderers and murderers (including priest killers) and given a Christmas parole to a convicted rapist (of an 11-year-old), what more could Philip Alston possibly want? Golden handcuffs?,” Gonzales railed. “I already stopped Esperon Read the rest of this entry »

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