The Philippine Onion

Lies and half-truths shall set you free

Posts Tagged ‘corruption’

Gloria Arroyo dances dirty with sexy ZTE bombshells

Posted by commiedyan on December 17, 2007

Our special gift to loyal readers:

What a dull Christmas this has been, and so many issues will remain unresolved as the year ends. For one, the office of Senator Kiko Pangilinan has told TPO there will be no more hearings on the ZTE-NBN deal this year. So our readers won’t forget the villains in this drama, we’ve produced this special Christmas present(ation). The joke’s on us (double meaning intended). Please click on the photos to view characters and start the show, best viewed with broadband (parental guidance is advised). Downloading might be quirky, but it’s well worth the wait, so have patience and get yourself beer or tea. We suggest Read the rest of this entry »

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Posted in Malacañang, politics | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Ignore this at your own loss

Posted by commiedyan on December 14, 2007

Dear reader,

I have good news for you. Ignore this letter at your own loss, because this isn’t one of the scams the Central Bank has recently warned against as you will see if you read on.

First of all, while I promise you millions, how quickly you get the money is entirely up to you and the effort you put in the endeavor; this isn’t a scheme to turn iron into gold Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in business, economics, politics | Tagged: , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

Statistics office drafts new guidelines on opinion surveys

Posted by commiedyan on December 14, 2007

On direct orders of Gloria Macapagal Arroyo, who has been unjustly accused of being the most corrupt president in Philippine history, the National Statistics Office has issued guidelines on the conduct of opinion surveys so these would no longer be based on ungrounded perceptions but on verifiable facts.

Our source at the NSO refused to provide us a copy of the draft but she explained the thrust of the document to us. In effect, survey organizations like Pulse Asia and Social Weather Stations would have to design the questionnaires to aid respondents in forming facts-based opinions. For example, in the matter of presidential corruption, the following yes or no questions could be suggested:

  1. Has the president ever given you a loot bag containing P500,000? P200,000? P50,000?
  2. Has an official close to the president offered you US $10M to withdraw from a government project? Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in breaking news, Malacañang, politics | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

Math lessons for Vic Mangosteen;business lessons from Danding Co(co)juangco

Posted by commiedyan on December 1, 2007

eduardo-cojuangco-jr.jpg

by Henry C. Bollas

Here’s the fruity Vic Mangosteen:

“EDUARDO Cojuangco Jr. borrowed P374 million from Cocobank to acquire the EnriqueZobel block in San Miguel Corp. in December 1983. As of yesterday’s market close, that 20 percent block, which paved the way for Cojuangco to eventually control the region’s largest food, beverage and packaging complex, was already worth about P18.8 billion, representing a 50-fold return in 24 years. Stated another way, Cojuangco saw his original investment, even during his exile years following the Marcos ouster, double every year.”

“San Miguel was trading at P22 a share when the hush-hush sale was being negotiated; Zobel, for still unknown reasons, did not seek any premium from Cojuangco for his block, according to the book, Boss Danding, by Earl G. Parreno.”

Hey thanks for the lesson Mangosteen, but your math is wrong and perhaps your politics is even Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in business, economics, people, politics, Roxas watch | Tagged: , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

RP offers technical, financial assistance to World Bank to stem corruption within its ranks

Posted by commiedyan on November 20, 2007

Manila—The Philippine government yesterday offered the World Bank wide-ranging technical and financial assistance to stem corruption within the ranks of the multilateral aid agency. This development came on the heels of the suspension of a $232M road maintenance and improvement project allegedly due to an internal row within the WB itself.

Bank officials monitoring the deal could not agree on their shares of the kickbacks, according to Cerge Remonde, chief of the presidential management staff. “Sharing is part of our expertise and culture and we have offered them our assistance so we can finally move on,” he told TPO.

In regard to transparency and accountability, Remonde protested: “If not for executive privilege, our alleged president is even willing to make her diaries public…I’ve seen them you know. She crosses all the P’s and S’s from her husband’s activities.”

“Huh? Corruption? In the Philippines?” public works and highways secretary Hermogenes Ebdane Jr. asked sarcastically. Isn’t that the same institution that kicked out its own president because of ethics violations? Ebdane was referring to Bush crony Paul Wolfowitz, now desperately trying to get a fellowship in Stanford amid protests by faculty and students.

“Let them go after the big fish first,” Ebdane added. “Which country launched an overpriced rocket program just to get the to the moon when Filipino engineers could easily have designed and built a bridge at a tenth of the cost?”

Finance secretary Margarito Teves also recalled April meetings in Washington where he “was briefed about the inquiry then being conducted by the bank’s internal investigations unit, the Department of Institutional Integrity (INT).” At the time, Teves was sending a series of e-mails to TPO complaining how bank officials mistreated him. “Can you imagine? They were having steak and wine while I was chewing on chicken feet and sipping Zesto juice my daddy packed for me?”

On allegations of collusion among bidders. budget secretary Rolando Andaya Jr. said this had been a practice encouraged by the administration to make its loyalists happy. “Why is the WB complaining only now?”

Justice secretary Raul Gonzales told TPO he was considering filing a suit against WB officials for undue vexation, especially if Senator Miriam Defensor Santiago becomes chief of the International Court of Justice. “Otherwise, I’ll let them eat my discarded and sauteed kidneys.”

Meanwhile, Anna Marie Nemenzo, president of the Freedom from Debt Coalition, which celebrates its 20th anniversary tomorrow, said the Philippines should just stop borrowing if it wants to avoid being humiliated by arrogant officials of multilateral lending agencies.

Filomeno Sta. Ana III of Action for Economic Reforms said his group was still trying to secure funds from unnamed foundations for the establishment of a comprehensive mental health improvement program open to government and non-government organizations. “Buang silang tanan bay (they’re all loonies),” he told TPO.

Posted in analysis, Malacañang | Tagged: , , , , , , | 10 Comments »

ANC cub reporter nabbed in Malacanang, charged with bribery

Posted by commiedyan on November 12, 2007

Willard Cheng!, ANC cub reporter and TPO stringer, was arrested by presidential security guards at 8:30 this morning for allegedly giving P50 to a palace gate sentry who allowed him entry without the appropriate pass. Cheng was following a hot lead on the distribution of loot bags in mid-October. Pfc. Juanito S. Dalidayon has been arrested for disloyalty and graft while Cheng has been charged with trespassing complexed with bribery, press secretary Ignacio Bunye said on government TV. “We will not tolerate corruption in our mission to build a strong state,” he added.

TPO and ANC appealed for support from the Philippine National Press Club (PNPc), saying the incident was a clear transgression of press freedom. But we were simply told “No one is above the law.” We also learned that the PNPc board has issued a resolution supporting the president’s ‘adherence to the rule of law” and acknowledging the legitimacy of the state’s police power over thought.

Bunye later retracted his televised statement.

“Accept it,” TPO editors advised Cheng when he called us to say Ronnie Puno had offered him a wad of depreciated $100 bills to forget about the incident. TPO management will issue an official receipt and will not be returning calls from the Philippine National Press Club.

Posted in breaking news, briefly noted, media, police blather | Tagged: , | 1 Comment »