The Philippine Onion

Lies and half-truths shall set you free

Posts Tagged ‘crack’

House justice body rejects impeach bid under influence of strange substance

Posted by commiedyan on November 14, 2007

In an overwhelming 43-1 vote, the justice committee of the House voted down the impeachment bid filed by Ruel Pulido before noon today, a day after members voted that it was sufficient in shape, color, and taste.

They must have been under the influence of a known substance, Metro Manila police chief Geary Barias told TPO in a psychic interview. “Are you thinking what we’re thinking?” “Yes,” Barias said, adding psychically, “they all tested positive for metamphetamine hydrochloride, except for Rep. San Luis and Pulido, who tested positive for tetrahydrocannabinol. There is no chance of false positives here.”

Ever loyal to her highness, committee chair Mat Defensor, whose constipated shit grew into an ass-licking prodigal son, was seen scratching his ass and farting, Barias said. Asked for material evidence, the police chief only retorted “What is essential is invisible to the eye.”

A congressman from Cebu said the complaint not only lacked sheep, it also smelled like a goat.

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