The Philippine Onion

Lies and half-truths shall set you free

Posts Tagged ‘family planning’

Rats ask Manila dads to clarify city zoning

Posted by commiedyan on November 21, 2007

Rats in barangay 734 in Manila have asked the city council to clarify its zoning rules, complaining that people have intruded into their turf in droves in the past few years. We were here first, yet they (people) have the temerity to complain to the press.

Yesterday, ABS-CBN quoted ‘people’ as saying “black rats, some of which are big as small cats, can be seen roaming the streets of Barangay 734 on Osmeña Highway, rummaging through household items and unmindful of residents.”

“Drat,” said Atty Orat, counsel for the Manila rats, “these people must be fornicating like there’s no tomorrow. Haven’t they heard of contraception?”

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Reuse condoms, rebel priests urge Manila faithful

Posted by commiedyan on November 10, 2007

With black hoods over their heads, three priests objecting to official church policy and the refusal of Manila city hall to provide condoms and other contraceptives to public health clinics, urged parishioners to reuse condoms for more responsible parenthood. In a press conference in a chapel in Tondo, their spokesperson said, “In our experience condoms break or give you rashes only after the third use. Simply wash with soap and lukewarm water and hang to dry.”

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