The Philippine Onion

Lies and half-truths shall set you free

Posts Tagged ‘gloria m. arroyo’

Statistics office drafts new guidelines on opinion surveys

Posted by commiedyan on December 14, 2007

On direct orders of Gloria Macapagal Arroyo, who has been unjustly accused of being the most corrupt president in Philippine history, the National Statistics Office has issued guidelines on the conduct of opinion surveys so these would no longer be based on ungrounded perceptions but on verifiable facts.

Our source at the NSO refused to provide us a copy of the draft but she explained the thrust of the document to us. In effect, survey organizations like Pulse Asia and Social Weather Stations would have to design the questionnaires to aid respondents in forming facts-based opinions. For example, in the matter of presidential corruption, the following yes or no questions could be suggested:

  1. Has the president ever given you a loot bag containing P500,000? P200,000? P50,000?
  2. Has an official close to the president offered you US $10M to withdraw from a government project? Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in breaking news, Malacañang, politics | Tagged: , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments »

The Emir of Kuwait’s big fat flat joke almost made Gloria cry

Posted by commiedyan on December 11, 2007

Now that the emir of Kuwait, Sheikh Sabah al-Ahmad al-Sabah, can no longer change his mind about saving Marilou Ranario from the noose, we can tell you the inside story of the crisis in Gloria Arroyo’s own mind. Something the emir whispered to her tested the woman’s determination to leave her legacy as a ‘tough’ leader and to have her place in the dustbin of history.

“I wan’t something in return. Our justice system requires that we hang someone else Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in foreign affairs, Malacañang | Tagged: , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »