The Philippine Onion

Lies and half-truths shall set you free

Posts Tagged ‘horses’

“If you don’t love me again, I’ll kick your balls!”

Posted by commiedyan on January 30, 2009

by jaded viewer

It’s better to have loved me again and lost me again than never to have loved me and lost your balls. This is the moral of the Piolo Pascual-starrer “Love Me Again.”

I attended a matinee while bored as a cinema checker for ‘Concerto (Davao War Diary)’ in SM City Cebu earlier this month. I didn’t regret spending my whole day’s salary so I’m sharing my unbiased review.

First of all, the movie is a love story about animals. The leading man

locsin preparing to be a cow

(Pascual) is so in love with his cows that he breaks up with his girlfriend because she has to work in a ranch abroad to help pay for the management of her father’s health. While in the Australian outback she (Angel Locsin) falls for a kangaroo that has fallen for another cow. In the meantime Piolo falls in love with his horse.

In the end the hero comes to his senses and tries to woo back the pretty maiden. In an unusual twist, however, they ride into the sunset, and the hero falls from his horse and dies. (See suggested and more upbeat ending below).

‘Love Me Again” is further proof of ABS-CBN’s tendency to fool audiences with claims of expensive productions with locations abroad. For all the hoopla about shooting in Australia, all the shots of the ranch abroad are all narrow and shallow and could have been taken in Talamban in Cebu City. This suspicion is supported by another suspicion: the man that plays the Australian rancher who employs Locsin has an uncanny resemblance to an undernourished American missionary who hangs out in Kukuk’s nest in Lahug, also in Cebu City.

A few good words about the acting. If the producers hired Pascual to portray a clueless lover, they did well. He doesn’t even know how to kiss and the love scenes really are delightfully hilarious. Locsin is

pretty, and could have been prettier if she were a cow in real life.

Suggested ending. Angel asks Piolo to kneel so she could brand him with a cattle rod and forgive his idiocy. He refuses. They plant corn and all the cows and marsupials live happily ever after.

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