The Philippine Onion

Lies and half-truths shall set you free

Posts Tagged ‘philip alston’

Cebollas sin lagrimas: gold tumbles on ‘medalla de oro’ award to Arroyo

Posted by commiedyan on December 6, 2007

by Henry C. Bollas

London (via ZTE broadband)–World commodity markets were inundated early today with sell orders for spot and futures gold as the news sunk in of alleged Philippine president Gloria Macapagal Arroyo getting the ‘medalla de oro‘ award Tuesday from the Universidad de Alcala in Madrid. The highest civilian award was conferred allegedly for Arroyo’s “defense of human rights, particularly her role in abolishing the death penalty in the Philippines.”

Que calamidad! Arroyo de lagrimas! (Flood of tears!)” a stock trader at the Bovespa in Madrid said. At the Chicago Mercantile Board, an analyst said “gold has lost half its luster forever.” She revealed hedge funds were dumping gold in favor of oil and onions. Oil prices had begun to slide despite the decision of the Organization of Petroleum Exporting Countries to maintain current production levels, probably because of a recent Japanese invention curtailing demand. Oil bets are now off, the lady said. Read the rest of this entry »

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Philip Alston:The blind and pesky Australian

Posted by commiedyan on November 28, 2007

by Onionista

What’s wrong with Philip Alston? According to Malacañang chief of staff Eduardo Ermita, he could shed crocodile tears and blood before the UN special rapporteur on human rights and still fail to convince the expert of the country’s sterling record on human rights. The blind can probably see better than Alston, Ermita said in a press briefing in Malacañang yesterday.

The ‘intelligence’ agencies of government, including the National Intelligence Coordinating Agency (NICA) under the wing of Norberto Gonzales and the Intelligence Service of the Armed Forces of the Philippines (Isafp-Esperon wing) had linked the recent spate of forced disappearances of left-wing activists to a purge conducted by the Maoist insurgency in the late 80’s and early 90’s, in an apparent bid to harass congressmen sympathetic to the National Democratic Front.

“He should just use his imagination and not question the chronology of events,” Gonzales and Esperon protested to TPO over dinner last night. “What does he want us to do? Admit that the insurgency is a bogey to justify our perks and reason for being?” TPO has learned that Gonzales has a confidential long-term plan to drive the legal Left back to the hills because they cannot be coopted by the idea that political power can grow out of the pork barrel of a gun. Once back in the mountains, they can be more easily bombed into Read the rest of this entry »

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