The Philippine Onion

Lies and half-truths shall set you free

Posts Tagged ‘terrorism’

Asian lady senator abducted, released in London

Posted by commiedyan on December 9, 2007

London (Reuters)—A prominent lady senator from Asia was reported missing at dawn here Saturday but surfaced dazed and half-naked in the lobby of the Britania Intercon in Grosvenor Square around noon today. Sources in the intelligence community said the senator had been under surveillance by agents of MI5 and MI6 and that she was actually arrested inside the British Museum where she suddenly burst into laughter before an exhibit of Egyptian artifacts, terrorizing other visitors. Only the timely and expert intervention of the curator prevented a stampede, according to our source who identified himself as JB. The British Official Secrets Act bars Reuters from publishing her name or nationality. Read the rest of this entry »

Advertisements

Posted in breaking news, foreign affairs, people, politics | Tagged: , , , , , , | 2 Comments »

U.S. Intelligence: Iran Possesses Trillions Of Potentially Dangerous Atoms

Posted by commiedyan on November 15, 2007

Our Washington bureau warns a US-Iran war may be imminent with the finding reported below.

The Onion

November 12, 2007

WASHINGTON—Barely two months after U.N. inspectors in Iran failed to find evidence of an active nuclear weapons program, the Department of Homeland Security uncovered new information Monday proving the Middle Eastern nation has obtained literally trillions of atoms—the same particles sometimes used to make atomic bombs—for unknown purposes. Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in analysis, foreign affairs, security | Tagged: , , , | Leave a Comment »

Cops release description of Batasan blast suspect

Posted by commiedyan on November 14, 2007

by Mon Tofu

Investigators in Camp Karingal in Quezon City have released this brief description of one suspect in the Batasan bombing last night:

“Tall, dark and lean and said to be wearing the face of one Norberto Gonzales, graveyard security guard at the Metrobank branch across the National Intelligence Coordinating Agency (NICA) on East avenue.”

A P5 million reward has been offered by Gonzales’s employer for his speedy arrest and pardon.

Posted in breaking news, briefly noted, police blather, security | Tagged: , , , | Leave a Comment »