The Philippine Onion

Lies and half-truths shall set you free

Posts Tagged ‘U.S. politics’

Read H.W.’s lips: John’s not a sissy

Posted by commiedyan on February 19, 2008

Victor Woodward

John McCain’s definitely not a sissy. This was the message most of the media failed to get from George Herbert Walker Bush’s endorsement of the senator from Arizona. “Unlike my son,” he whispered to me, ” John will not inflict any costly and unnecessary war on the American people because he doesn’t need to prove he’s not a sissy.”

But, the father of the president said, his endorsement should not be taken to mean he believes all the crap about the war hero’s recollections, especially the accounts about Cuban officers sighted in Vietnamese jungle camps.

Posted in briefly noted, foreign affairs | Tagged: , | Leave a Comment »

Fearless forecasts 2008 (2): George W. finds new members for axis of evil

Posted by commiedyan on January 5, 2008

Reeling from poor survey ratings in the pre-primaries in late 2007, the Republicans will begin to support a new project of the new conservatives (neocons): ostracize Australia and California. Dick Cheney will build a case to invade and bomb down under and even California. That is because Australia is now under a labor government which has signed on to bolder anti-global warming initiatives in Bali and governator Arnie has always been an embarassment to conservatives with his fuel economy standards. Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in briefly noted, foreign affairs, Nature, people, politics | Tagged: , | 5 Comments »

A piece of our mind

Posted by commiedyan on December 10, 2007

Here’s a movie review we would have wanted to write ourselves on Lions for Lambs (produced by sheep), a fitting one for International Human Rights Day:

“The title of the movie Lions for Lambs is based on comment by a German General in World War I – he admired the British troops who were dying in the trenches, and held their officers in contempt. The movie tries to honor our troops while condemning the current crop of wars, politicians, and media”.

Posted in foreign affairs, media, security | Tagged: , , , | Leave a Comment »

George W. writes Kim Jong Il

Posted by commiedyan on December 8, 2007

 

The White House

Office of the President
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue

The House of Kim Jong Il, The Great Leader, Pyongyang

December 7, 2007

Dear Kim Jong Il,

My dear Kim, hi Jong, hello Il. I really dunno how to coal call you so I hope u you dawn don’t manned. I woodda asked my dog Barney, whose sa lot smarter than me, to do this letter, but he dozen doesn’t know that much English, and he’s spelling’s jazz terrible. I asked him to duda google on you but whaddayou know, you dawn don’t even have a Friendster account.

What you up apt to? I thought we gave you yore money back. And da, and da. you promised to beehive. Now what’s this I hear u you back to yore old tricks. I wuz jazz bout to strike you off my evil axis list, as soon as we found someone else to replace you. Are you friends with the Abu Sayyaf in the Philippines? I hear they might have nukes. Hell I dawn don’t even no where North Korea is ‘cept it must be above South Korea right? Am I smart or not? Anyways, the good book says evil always comes in threes, so you understand. All I know no about the Korean war I learned from that teevee show Mashed. Anyways, were wuz I? Oh yes, you fool me once, I’m a fool, you fool me twice, I’m a fool, You fool me again, I wanna cry and go to my mommy. What’s more, big Dick’ll make fun oh my dick if I don’t nuke you. See what I mean?

Hey Kim, hey Jong, hey Il. Please beehive man cuz cause few do I’ll even invite you to my the White House, even the ranch in Texas were my staff can barbecue you prepare barbecue we can have barbecue. Or perhaps we can go to my dad’s place in Kennebunkport. Took Vlad there you know. Damn idiot wanned me to swim with him, but I tell him water’s called Vlad. But there he went and jumped into the water, like a mammal whale. D’ya no that? Whales are mammals man! Am I smart or not? Then he wanned me to play chess with him and so I tell him I don’t do the chess man. So we played rock paper scissors Read the rest of this entry »

Posted in foreign affairs, security | Tagged: , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

What did Mr. Eisenberg want from Mrs. Clinton?

Posted by commiedyan on December 1, 2007

The most obvious answer is advice on how to overcome depression caused by marital troubles. The police handled the incident well and none of the hostages were harmed. Neither was Mr. Leeland Eisenberg.

Here’s the story from NYT.

Posted in foreign affairs, police blather, politics, Uncategorized | Tagged: , , | 1 Comment »