The Philippine Onion

Lies and half-truths shall set you free

Philippine Police to save energy with new policies

Posted by commiedyan on June 15, 2008

Over the weekend, the Philippine National Police submitted to alleged president Gloria Macapagal Arroyo two radical proposals which could potentially save the national government millions in law enforcement.

The first is for all policemen to use bicycles instead of cars, at the same time trimming the fat bellies which ex-PNP chief and human rights abuser Ping Lacson had vigorously campaigned against. The second is for all cops to be absolutely deskbound and idle.

The drawback to the first proposal is obvious. The PNP would have to appeal to all criminal types to use non-motorized transport as well, a tall order since criminals are thought to be better funded, and those which use bicycles would betray their provenance, which is of course, the police.

Arroyo, we’ve learned, dismissed the second proposal without a thought. “Isn’t that what they’ve been doing all along? Where’s the incremental benefit?”

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