George W. writes Kim Jong Il

 

The White House

Office of the President

1600 Pennsylvania Avenue

The House of Kim Jong Il, The Great Leader, Pyongyang

December 7, 2007

Dear Kim Jong Il,

My dear Kim, hi Jong, hello Il. I really dunno how to coal call you so I hope u you dawn don’t manned. I woodda asked my dog Barney, whose sa lot smarter than me, to do this letter, but he dozen doesn’t know that much English, and he’s spelling’s jazz terrible. I asked him to duda google on you but whaddayou know, you dawn don’t even have a Friendster account.

What you up apt to? I thought we gave you yore money back. And da, and da. you promised to beehive. Now what’s this I hear u you back to yore old tricks. I wuz jazz bout to strike you off my evil axis list, as soon as we found someone else to replace you. Are you friends with the Abu Sayyaf in the Philippines? I hear they might have nukes. Hell I dawn don’t even no where North Korea is ‘cept it must be above South Korea right? Am I smart or not? Anyways, the good book says evil always comes in threes, so you understand. All I know no about the Korean war I learned from that teevee show Mashed. Anyways, were wuz I? Oh yes, you fool me once, I’m a fool, you fool me twice, I’m a fool, You fool me again, I wanna cry and go to my mommy. What’s more, big Dick’ll make fun oh my dick if I don’t nuke you. See what I mean?

Hey Kim, hey Jong, hey Il. Please beehive man cuz cause few do I’ll even invite you to my the White House, even the ranch in Texas were my staff can barbecue you prepare barbecue we can have barbecue. Or perhaps we can go to my dad’s place in Kennebunkport. Took Vlad there you know. Damn idiot wanned me to swim with him, but I tell him water’s called Vlad. But there he went and jumped into the water, like a mammal whale. D’ya no that? Whales are mammals man! Am I smart or not? Then he wanned me to play chess with him and so I tell him I don’t do the chess man. So we played rock paper scissors

U.S. Intelligence: Iran Possesses Trillions Of Potentially Dangerous Atoms

Our Washington bureau warns a US-Iran war may be imminent with the finding reported below.

The Onion

November 12, 2007

WASHINGTON—Barely two months after U.N. inspectors in Iran failed to find evidence of an active nuclear weapons program, the Department of Homeland Security uncovered new information Monday proving the Middle Eastern nation has obtained literally trillions of atoms—the same particles sometimes used to make atomic bombs—for unknown purposes.