The Philippine Onion

Lies and half-truths shall set you free

Posts Tagged ‘ara mina’

Oh yeah baby, what swell (political) parties we have

Posted by commiedyan on November 28, 2007

by Old Spice

The recent return from the dead of Philippine political parties has driven me to a fit of nostalgia, back to my Cole Porter songbook, specifically ‘What a swell party this is.” But sadly, nostalgia just isn’t what it used to be, according to the girlfriend and pen pal of Jean Paul Sartre, in her memoirs.

Mar Roxas has virtually announced his presidential bid in Pia Hontiveros’s Strictly Nonsensical, and Manny Villar has put his money where his future is: the Nacionalista Party. Villar’s claim to fame is his railroading of the Erap impeachment bid way back in 2000, and his tapping into the excess demand of the lower middle class for pigeon holes with Camella and Palmera Homes.

Roxas and Villar are courting the Erap vote. In the politics of addition, Roxas is even open to welcoming back into the fold the constipated Al Atienza, who refused to distribute condoms to his constituents in Manila; and worse, the Defensors, including the prodigal son who was farted out into existence by his dad. Watch out for the supporters of Villar, including the thugs, the brothers Remulla.

We’ve heard that the Lakas and Kampi are soon to merge as SQL (status quo league) but they are in limbo at the moment.

Following closely behind the LP, NP, and SQL is the Kilusang Bagong Lipunan with exactly two and a half members: the charming and compulsively bootlicking Imelda Marcos, and the spitting images of her asses, Oliver Lozano and Ely Pamatong, but I can’t tell you which of the latter is half-cocked. If Imelda manages to seduce Rick Abcede of the PCGG, the KBL will have two and three fourths.
Now for a bit of sexy news: the mother of Roxas asks her son, “Anong K mo if you don’t dump Korina?” She would rather have either Pinky Webb or Ara Mina.

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Weather bulletin: Mina to skirt Metro Manila

Posted by commiedyan on November 23, 2007

“I’ll be away from Manila for some time to attend to family and business affairs in the United States,” sexy star Ara Mina told TPO in an interview at her pasta joint on Maginhawa st., UP Village at dawn today.

She would neither confirm nor deny her alleged stormy affair with Manny Pacquiao, who has claimed the rumors were spread to spark interest in their latest movie.

Meanwhile, the latest bulletin from the weather bureau quoted by the perpetually giggling Gretchen Fullido said the Bicol region is already being inundated by typhoon Mina, to be welcomed this afternoon by Albay governor Joey Salceda. Anthony Golez of the national disaster coordinating council was also quoted as saying they had completed the evacuation of two million Bicolanos to Metro Manila.

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