The Philippine Onion

Lies and half-truths shall set you free

Posts Tagged ‘insanity’

Doctor, doctor you are sick!

Posted by commiedyan on November 22, 2007

Army doc nabbed for ‘punching’ pregnant woman in QC bar

This story’s from the Philippine Daily Inquirer:

Police arrested Wednesday morning an Army doctor who allegedly went berserk in a Quezon City bar and supposedly attacked a woman, four months pregnant, when she refused to check into a motel with him.

The suspect denied the charges, claiming that it was all an accident, and promised to pay only for woman’s cellular phone unit, which was destroyed in the incident. He also denied making the “indecent proposal” that triggered the whole episode.

Captain Noel Tanabe, detailed with the Armed Forces of the Philippines (AFP) Medical Center’s pathology department, was hauled off to the Quezon City Police District (QCPD) Kamuning Station 10 on the complaint of the 24-year-old woman he allegedly punched in the stomach and whose Nokia N-72 cellular phone was destroyed in the scuffle.

Hey Doctor man, you’re sick. Where’s your mama? Call her quick. But you belong in jail, not in the mental ward, where you might drive the merely crazy to insanity.

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RP offers technical, financial assistance to World Bank to stem corruption within its ranks

Posted by commiedyan on November 20, 2007

Manila—The Philippine government yesterday offered the World Bank wide-ranging technical and financial assistance to stem corruption within the ranks of the multilateral aid agency. This development came on the heels of the suspension of a $232M road maintenance and improvement project allegedly due to an internal row within the WB itself.

Bank officials monitoring the deal could not agree on their shares of the kickbacks, according to Cerge Remonde, chief of the presidential management staff. “Sharing is part of our expertise and culture and we have offered them our assistance so we can finally move on,” he told TPO.

In regard to transparency and accountability, Remonde protested: “If not for executive privilege, our alleged president is even willing to make her diaries public…I’ve seen them you know. She crosses all the P’s and S’s from her husband’s activities.”

“Huh? Corruption? In the Philippines?” public works and highways secretary Hermogenes Ebdane Jr. asked sarcastically. Isn’t that the same institution that kicked out its own president because of ethics violations? Ebdane was referring to Bush crony Paul Wolfowitz, now desperately trying to get a fellowship in Stanford amid protests by faculty and students.

“Let them go after the big fish first,” Ebdane added. “Which country launched an overpriced rocket program just to get the to the moon when Filipino engineers could easily have designed and built a bridge at a tenth of the cost?”

Finance secretary Margarito Teves also recalled April meetings in Washington where he “was briefed about the inquiry then being conducted by the bank’s internal investigations unit, the Department of Institutional Integrity (INT).” At the time, Teves was sending a series of e-mails to TPO complaining how bank officials mistreated him. “Can you imagine? They were having steak and wine while I was chewing on chicken feet and sipping Zesto juice my daddy packed for me?”

On allegations of collusion among bidders. budget secretary Rolando Andaya Jr. said this had been a practice encouraged by the administration to make its loyalists happy. “Why is the WB complaining only now?”

Justice secretary Raul Gonzales told TPO he was considering filing a suit against WB officials for undue vexation, especially if Senator Miriam Defensor Santiago becomes chief of the International Court of Justice. “Otherwise, I’ll let them eat my discarded and sauteed kidneys.”

Meanwhile, Anna Marie Nemenzo, president of the Freedom from Debt Coalition, which celebrates its 20th anniversary tomorrow, said the Philippines should just stop borrowing if it wants to avoid being humiliated by arrogant officials of multilateral lending agencies.

Filomeno Sta. Ana III of Action for Economic Reforms said his group was still trying to secure funds from unnamed foundations for the establishment of a comprehensive mental health improvement program open to government and non-government organizations. “Buang silang tanan bay (they’re all loonies),” he told TPO.

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